T=Truth (#coateisaGOAT)
How did I get here? That’s a long and winding road. I will try to take you to the most important stops along the way. For the purposes of this post, I am focusing on my struggles with my weight and my relationship with food. From medication that packed on the pounds in middle school, to the freshman fifteen, to birthing two babies, to two unhappy marriages, food has always been my comfort- my way to self soothe and self-medicate. I will be completely honest and admit it was my addiction. If not a full-blown addiction, certainly an especially bad habit.
What was my relationship with food? My dad was the main cook in our family when I was growing up. We all ate as a family around the dinner table while it was hot. Any deviation from this would result in my dad yelling up the stairs, “Time to eat! NOW!” All extended family gatherings revolved around meals. In college, I survived on poppy seed chicken at the KD house, Wendy’s, Tut’s Place, Cheese Tots from Kwik Snack, SubZone, TCBY and Papa John’s Pizza and not in healthy amounts (not to mention all the beer from swaps and keg parties). Fast forward to two pregnancies. I gained 40 to 50 pounds with each pregnancy and topped out at 180 pounds, which I thought was embarrassing at the time. Much to my dismay, that was not even my highest weight. After my children were born, food became my solace. I was losing myself in so many ways, and food gave me instant gratification. However, I was digging my hole deeper with every pound I gained.
What if I had known then what I know now? As I reflect on these times in my life, I see a definite pattern. Life threw me a curve ball which equaled, in my mind, an excuse for me to resort to food as a smoke screen so I did not have to address the real issues surrounding those situations.
Teenage Years – As a ten-year-old, gaining 20 pounds in six months was devastating. I gained the weight from taking medication trying to regulate chronic migraines. With the help of Dr. Caputo, we learned that food allergies were the culprit. I had to go on a rotation diet to see which foods I could tolerate without having headaches. When my mother made sure that we followed all dietary requirements prescribed by the nutritionist to help me get healthy again, I finally lost the weight. In addition to food allergies, I believe anxiety contributed to my headaches.
College Years – The freshman fifteen (and then some) happened! Moving away from my family and home cooked meals made with fresh ingredients and transitioning into dorm life with an irregular schedule and fast, processed foods for every meal, not to mention lots of keg beer, created the perfect recipe for weight gain and bad habits.
Young Family Life – Demands of a marriage and having babies increased my responsibilities and stress levels. The result was yo-yo dieting and maxing out at a weight of 220 pounds. I did not like myself or the life I was living at that time.
Mid-life – I was still leading a life that was not true to the person I was meant to be. I looked to others for external validation. I lived my life to meet perceived expectations that others had of me. I looked for appreciation and approval from everyone around me. I did not value my own truth. I was masking discontent with overeating and junk food, yo-yo dieting yet again, and going from 155 to 225 pounds in about four years.
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