G=Goals O=Outlook A=Authentic T=Truth (#coateisaGOAT)
Sweet friend, I’m writing this from the couch on a Sunday — my sacred reset day — and I’ll be honest with you… I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck.
And the funny thing is, I haven’t done anything out of the ordinary. I worked my week. Showed up. Did the things. And yesterday, instead of working at Southern Specialty, I drove myself to Pensacola for the EWomen’s Conference and spent an entire day surrounded by women from all over — filling up a church with worship and praise and the kind of singing that just moves right through you.
It was wonderful. It was powerful. It was exactly what my soul needed. And now? I’m exhausted.
Not a bad tired. Not even an “I overdid it” tired. Just… spent. A deep, bone-level kind of tired that almost feels like a release. And somehow, I am deeply, genuinely thankful for it.
Richie is cooking today (bless him), and the laundry and the sheets and the long list of things that normally I would feel compelled to tackle — they’re all just sitting there.
And today… I’m okay with that. I’m going to let them sit. And that feels big.
Because my brain, of course, is still doing what my brain does — running a hundred miles an hour in about fifteen different directions. Overthinking. Processing. Trying to make sense of where I am in this season.
But underneath all of that noise… something feels different today. Quieter. Softer. Like there’s a steadiness underneath it all that I haven’t always felt before.
I’ve been sitting with something lately that I don’t fully have language for yet, but I’m going to try. I am shifting. Not just in what I’m doing — but in who I am. In how I show up. In what I value.
This week, I took a field trip with the high school CSIT students from Locklin, and one of the presentations was about developing your personal brand — how it’s not static, how it evolves as you grow. And y’all… that landed on me in a way I didn’t expect.
Because that’s exactly what’s happening in my own life right now.
Part of that shift is simple, but also not simple at all — I don’t really want to drink right now. I’m craving more intentional connection. I want conversations that mean something. I want to be around people who are present, engaged, fully there. And if I’m being honest, that’s been a little conflicting.
Because I can still hear the old script in my head — the one that says, “If someone doesn’t drink, something must be wrong with them.”
That came from somewhere real in my upbringing, and it stuck. And now, as I step into something different, I can’t help but wonder if people are looking at me like I’ve changed too much… or worse, like I’ve become someone fake.
But here’s what I keep coming back to — Change isn’t fake. Growth isn’t betrayal.
And sitting in that sanctuary yesterday, fully present, fully grounded in the truth that I am a child of God — it made me realize just how much of my life I have spent trying to meet expectations. Not always ones that were spoken. But ones I carried anyway.
And now I’m in this tender space of asking myself — What do I actually value? What do I actually want? And sweet friend… that’s hard work. Because it may mean that not everyone comes with you into the next chapter. And that’s a loss. There’s no way around that. But it’s also freedom. And I’m choosing freedom.
Now, while all of this deep reflection is happening, let me keep it real with you — I am also fully aware of my tendencies. Like how I can go all in on something.
Right now? It’s making Reels. And y’all… I love it. The creativity, the connection, the feedback — it lights me up. But I can also feel how easy it would be to start chasing that validation. To let outside voices get louder than my own. And that’s not a well I want to draw from forever.
So there’s a balance I’m working to find there, too.
And maybe the most surprising part of all of this is this — I’m happy. Not loud, over-the-top, everything-is-perfect happy. But quiet, steady, deeply-rooted, happy.
My relationship with Richie is in a good place. My relationships with the kids feel strong and connected. I love my work. The mahjong community is growing in ways that bring me so much joy. Coate Mindset is becoming something real and meaningful.
And even though my bank account might be giving me a little side-eye right now — which would normally send me spiraling — this week… even that felt okay.
But if I’m being honest, when things feel this good…my nervous system flinches. When is the other shoe going to drop?
Because when you’ve lived in survival mode for a long time, peace can feel unfamiliar. Almost like your body doesn’t quite trust it yet. But I want to learn how to stay here. To let good things be good. To let peace exist without waiting for it to disappear.
And I think yesterday was a release valve for me. A Spirit-filled, soul-deep exhale. And sometimes when you’ve been carrying so much, and you finally set it down… your body responds. Mine responded with exhaustion. With stillness. With a need to just… rest.
So that’s what I’m doing today. I’m resting. I’m letting things go undone. I’m allowing this tired to be what it is — not something to fix, but something to honor. Because maybe… this tired is a gift.
A sign that something shifted. That something was released. That I’m stepping into something new. I don’t know who reads this, sweet friend. I really don’t. But I do know that writing it is healing me. Post by post, I’m finding my way back to myself. Learning to love who I am. Learning to believe that I am worthy — not because of what I do, but because of who I am.
A child of God. Fully loved. Fully known. Fully enough. And that’s what I’m carrying into this week. It will be busy. It always is. But I’m going in a little more grounded. A little more aware. A little more at peace with who I’m becoming.
Here’s to finding that balance, sweet friend. We may never perfect it… But we keep reaching for it anyway.
And maybe — just maybe — that’s enough. 💛
Leave a Reply