The Space Between Expectation and Trust

G=Goals O=Outlook A=Authentic T=Truth (#coateisaGOAT)

I found myself thinking a lot about expectations this week… the ones we put on ourselves, and the ones we think other people are putting on us.

You know the kind—the quiet pressure to get it right, to make it perfect, to show up exactly how we believe we’re supposed to. And sometimes… if we’re not careful, those expectations don’t just stay internal. They spill over. They show up in how we lead. In how we respond. In how tightly we hold on to control.

I watched something unfold this week that really stuck with me.

Someone had been given a role—trusted, chosen, placed there for a reason. The kind of person you’d call a high performer. Someone who shows up, does the work, and does it well.

But when it came time to actually let them lead…that trust wasn’t fully released. There was hovering. Second-guessing. A sense that no matter what they did, it wasn’t quite enough. And the truth is… it wasn’t about performance. It was about expectation.

Not the expectation of the person doing the work—but the expectation the leader had of themselves… being projected outward. And I don’t think we always realize how that feels on the receiving end.

Because when you are doing what you’re supposed to do, when you are showing up, and it still feels like you’re falling short…that does something to you. It chips away.

And as I was watching all of this, I had another realization that I didn’t expect. It made me look differently at the person leading.

Someone I had once really admired. Someone I had, if I’m being honest, probably placed a little too high on a pedestal. You know how we do that sometimes? We see someone as polished, put together, confident—almost untouchable. And then life happens. Pressure shows up. Stress shows up. Hard moments show up. And little by little… You start to see more of their humanity. Not in a way that makes them a bad person—but in a way that makes them real. And it’s funny… because in some ways, that reality makes them more relatable. But in other ways, it chips away at that almost “perfect” image we created.

I found myself thinking, I used to see them one way… and now I see them differently. And it shifted something. Because beauty—real beauty—isn’t just how someone shows up when everything is going right. It’s how they show up when it’s not.

Over the years, I’ve seen what happens when people let their emotions lead. When frustration or fear or pressure takes over…and words come out that can’t be taken back. And yes, apologies can follow. But the truth is… once words are out there, they live. They linger. They shape how someone feels about themselves.

And I’ve always tried to be mindful of that. Not perfect—but intentional. I don’t want to be the person who has to go back and say, “I didn’t mean that.” Because even when you didn’t mean it…it was still felt.

And maybe that’s why this week hit me the way it did. Because at the core of it all, I realized something about myself. I don’t want to be someone who controls every outcome. I don’t want to be someone who places so much pressure on people that they shrink instead of rise.

I want to be someone who brings out the best in others. Someone who looks at people and asks, “What are their strengths? How can I help them shine?”

Not someone who makes them question if they’re enough. Because the truth is… most people don’t need more pressure. They need more belief. More trust. More room to step into who they already are.

And I also had a moment of checking myself. Because if I’m not careful, I could easily become the very thing I don’t like. We all can. We all have expectations. We all have moments where we want things done a certain way.

But how we carry that… matters. Because one day, someone could be looking at us thinking, “I used to admire them so much…” And then something shifts. Not because of what we accomplished—but because of how we made them feel.

I don’t ever want to be the person who makes someone feel small. I don’t want to be the person who holds so tightly to control that there’s no room left for anyone else. I don’t want to be the reason someone loses confidence in themselves. I want to be the opposite of that.

I want to be someone who lifts people up. Who creates space. Who leads with encouragement instead of pressure. The kind of person that people feel better around… not worse. The kind of person that feels like sunshine—not a gray cloud that follows you around.

So here’s to this week—To checking our expectations. To loosening our grip. To choosing our words carefully. To seeing people for who they really are—and giving them the grace to be human. And most of all…to being the kind of person who leaves others better than we found them. Because at the end of the day, how we make people feel will always matter more than how perfect we made things.